therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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