is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
