wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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