actually, I'm a sock model
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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