I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
