not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
