I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
