I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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