Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
