I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
