Actions speak louder than pants.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
