I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
