I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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