If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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