The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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