So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
