Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
