It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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