im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
