So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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