my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
