The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
