now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
