Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
