Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
