i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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