Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
