I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
