new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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