Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
