Already got asked if we're dating
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you will always have a special place in my vag
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
