One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
