About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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