hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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