I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if only i could text you this smell
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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