We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
