There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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