the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
FUCK WHALES
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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