i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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