How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
