he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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