Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
