There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
True college students do jello shots in the library
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
