there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
