I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
