I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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