I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
