dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
