I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
