and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A bitchslap is in order.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
