Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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