I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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