C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
