my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize