I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
