glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
