goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
