how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
