K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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