Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
