I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
