why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
