I smell stomach acid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
