she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
