And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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