I think im going to throw up on grandma
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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