just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
