Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
