He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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