Your dad touched me again.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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