Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
