for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
