God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
