Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
