I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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