So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
